ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
