sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
birth control should be required to get into college
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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