Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
