it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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