I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize