Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
