I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
