I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
