Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
