dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Randomize
