i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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