I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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