Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
