new low.... made out with someone while peeing
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
