Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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