Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
