Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
