There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I have aggressive nipples.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
