We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
