Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
