i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
