Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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