SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
