She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
