you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
