thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
