just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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