i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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