so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
