In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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