i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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