The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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