I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize