On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
