All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
