Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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