she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Farmville is her only friend.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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