oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
