The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
