Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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