She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
