Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
