wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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