everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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