His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
