He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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