yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize