My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize