im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
