I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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