my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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