I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
