She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
