Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
