dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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