The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
