I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
