I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
They left me at home... I'm a liability
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
