Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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