if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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