I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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