It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
