I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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