Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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