M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize