Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I didn't shave. On purpose
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
