If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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