he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
