what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
